Rhett: 4 Months

The little man just gets more fun as he gets older. Have I mentioned how happy and content he is? 

Mr. Dreamboat.

His cheeks are always just a touch rosy and they get more color if he is warm or when he is sleeping in my arms, I love those sweet sleepy cheeks. I am afraid he has my coloring, this will plague him when he is active as his face will resemble a beet for hours after hard exercise. Sorry son.

It is probably too soon to tell but he may have my legs too. Again, sorry. But they are strong and sturdy legs and will serve him well. 

Though currently the chubs look far better on him than me.

He has all but abandoned his thumb in favor of the more readily accessible fingers though his thumb makes an appearance every now and again when he gets it just so. I am okay with this now, it helps him go to sleep and keeps him happy.

We have been working on Kate not sucking her thumb and have been broken records telling her she is a big girl, doesn't need to suck her thumb, telling her to take it out, etc. Now the kids are diligent in telling Rhett he doesn't need to suck on his hands and whenever they see him, they go over to him, babbling in toddler talk (clearly telling him what we tell them) and pull his hands out of his mouth. It is so funny to see them do what we do.

He has great head control and neck strength. He is very close to rolling over, he just gets stuck on his arms and needs a little push. He has just discovered his feet during diaper changes since that is the only time they are free due to our chilly house. 

He loves to smile at anyone and everyone. Rhett loves to be held and lets me know when he doesn't agree with my decision to put him down. I don't carry him all the time but do have the ever present mommy guilt when he is sitting in his bouncer chair, lying on the floor, etc for too long as I tend to Max and Kate, meals, and everything else that needs my attention around here. 

I love everything about him.

Rhett's 4-month stats:

Weight: 14 pounds 4 ounces, 26th %

Length: 25 1/2 inches, 70th %

Head: 16 1/4 inches, 45th %

Size 2 diapers, 3 month and 3-6 month clothes

Rhett has had a little bit of a chronic diaper rash pretty much since he came home. I am very diligent in changing his diapers, have tried different diaper creams, no cream at all, different diapers, etc. It would improve a bit after baths and then flare back up again. It wasn't big just between his little cheeks but it bothered me nonetheless. Finally I changed wipes and just about over night I could see improvement. Little man needs sensitive wipes, even though the ones we were using are alcohol and fragrance free. I am glad I finally figured it out.

He takes 4 naps a day, roughly an hour long each and eats every 3 hours during the day. Night time sleep is still erratic. He goes to bed well, around 7pm and usually sleeps through 10pm. I will dream feed him and then turn in myself. On a good night he sleeps til 3am or so and then wakes between 6am and 7am. He usually has a poop that wakes him up at 5am. Nothing I can do about controlling that one! Last night he was up every two hours. I just feed him since he is in my room still, right up near my head and I know it is faster and quieter to snuggle in bed as he nurses. One of these days I will get a solid 8 hour stretch. It will be glorious!

Until then I will just soak up this sweet babe, kiss his soft cheeks, nibble on his floppy ears and love him to pieces in those wee hours of the night. Soon they will pass and part of me will miss it. 

Happy four months baby!

10 Years

January 5th we marked 10 years of marriage. 10 YEARS! That is such a long time and yet it doesn't seem like much time has passed at all. We have accomplished much and have so much more to do. This year has just started but it is proving to be a challenging one with medical school, small children and minimal time for each other. I am grateful to have Phillip by my side as we carry on together.

• We have grown up together, me especially!, and there is still much improvement to be had.
• We have both graduated college and Phil is in the beginning of 10 years of medical training, 14 years if you include his undergraduate studies.
• We have gone from two incomes to presently none as I stay home with our three children.
• We have owned two homes.
• We have traveled to Germany and Italy. Someday we hope to cover a lot more ground.
• We have four beautiful children, one waiting for us in Heaven.
• We are happy and healthy. 
• We have a plan and are taking it one day at a time.

I am blessed beyond measure and am grateful for my husband who loves me, who honors me and our family.

We have yet to celebrate as babies and school have taken priority. With our present situation we will be keeping it small at best. When we hit 15 years of marriage we will still be in residency and have limited funds but I tell ya! When 20 years rolls around we will go BIG! Something to look forward to.

Desperately Seeking Balance

I woke Thursday morning with a sleep hangover. A dull nagging ache in the back of my head, tension in my neck and shoulders. Shrill toddler screams, tantrums and the like did nothing to alleviate and set my teeth and patience on edge.

I am still seeking that elusive balance in motherhood. Juggling the needs of three physically demanding children, nurturing their minds, feeding their hearts and spirits, teaching them, loving them. It is hard. So very, very hard at times. I go through bursts of being a happy, patient, kind mom and then hit a wall and I have a trying day or two of impatience, being tense, short and just going through the motions mom.

The next day I was still a short tempered mom. Not who I want to be. Not at all. As the day progressed I felt more and more overwhelmed as I mentally reviewed all that is required of me, all that I need to do, all that I want to do.

I finally got Rhett down for a nap and contemplated sneaking one of my own. 10 minutes later Max starts crying from his room. I waited a minute or two, judging his cry to determine if I needed to intervene. He was relentless and I went in to get him. The smell of poop greeted me and I knew the nap was over. Kate popped up in her crib too. They had only been down for roughly 30 minutes. Diaper changed, bedding stripped and washed, Max's clothes changed and I had to sneak away his blanket so I could wash that casualty too. There are lots of tears involved once the blankie is realized missing. Milk, snack, playtime. Distract, distract, distract. Survive, survive, survive.

It is now after 2pm and the house is a bomb, I am emotionally spent and just not in a good mental place. I pray and ask for help, I know the answer is to focus on my kids, turn off all distractions and be present. I know that I am blessed, that my life is good. But I am still struggling with finding joy.

We pass the rest of the afternoon and Phil comes home. He asks how our day was and I well up with tears at that simple question. It all comes spilling out and he kindly listens. I blubber on about how hard it is to constantly be patient and kind, that three kids is hard, that I am sick and tired of med school, the strain it is placing on our marriage. I am tired of being poor, tired of doing the same thing day in and day out without relief. I tell him how hard it is to find time for myself; to exercise, eat right, read my scriptures, etc. As I am talking I feel stupid for complaining about my "good" life. I know that I am so lucky to have three beautiful children to care for, the opportunity to further our family through education, a husband who works his tail off for us, the choice to stay home and care for our family.

Phil tells me he gets it, he understands, he hates school too. This is a hard stage in our life but it will get better. It is lovely just to be heard and understood, to have someone listen to me spill my crowded mind and troubled heart. He tells me to just focus on the kids right now, they are most important. I agree but lament that I can't give them my best if I don't take some time to nurture myself. It is not fair to them or me.

I know that the answer is to wake early, take that time for myself, read my scriptures, exercise my body, make wise choices. And that is still hard for me. I know what I need to do and how but implementing it is a struggle. Rhett wakes 2-3 times in the night and I just can't drag my tired bones out of bed. Rather I choose not to; I know that I can and that I should just suck it up and do it.

The rest of the evening improved. Phil took the kids to the park, suggested we make popovers for dinner, he did bath time, story time and bed time while I nursed Rhett to sleep. Then we both collapsed on the couch and watched a movie together. It was nice to have some down time with him, nice that he chose me when he needed to study.

This post is not a pity party, not a boo-hoo woe is me. I know that I am so blessed, that my life is good. This season of life is hard but worth it. I know all this and I also know that it is okay to have bad days, okay to ask for help, okay to admit defeat. One of these days I hope to find that balance, hope to have it figured out. By then I am sure I will miss the littleness of my kids, the crazy, the chaos. All is well.

Around the House

They have pretty much outgrown these little push cars. Strangely enough they have swapped cars and Max prefers the princess one and Kate the fire truck. They will even scream "miiiinnneee!" at each other if anyone gets any ideas of switching. They love to zoom around the house with them, chase each other, annoying sirens and music wailing constantly. I even put packing tape over the speaker and they are still very loud. Regular passengers are the bear stuffed in front near the steering wheel and the blankie folded up and placed behind the back like a cushion. Severe distress occurs when the blankie inevitably falls off during manic driving sessions. Mother is required to fold and refold the blankie constantly.

I need to get a picture of the set-up before they quit doing it.

(After taking this picture I promptly put down my camera and washed my windows from the outside. Now every time I walk by them I am amazed at the beautiful clean light that streams through. Ha! I've only lived in this house for 18 months, took me long enough!)

Max is growing bigger every day it seems. He is taller and leaner, losing his babyness. He still likes to be cuddled and will come to you during the day with his blankie and bear. He will clutch his bear to his chest and wants you to wrap his blankie around his shoulders, then pick him up and hold him close. 

He picks up on motor skills so fast. He has a new plasma car that my parents gave them for Christmas and he zips around like nobody's business.
He is stubborn, loud, emotional, kind, mischievous, wonderful.

Rhett is as scrumptious as ever. He continually amazes me with how fast he is growing and changing. He needs to stop it right now! I will save more details for his four month post.

(See my cleaner window?)

Kate loves to get into my closet and pull out all my shoes. They both do actually and fight over certain pairs. Heaven forbid one have what the other already claimed.

She also loves to have her toes painted and it is something special, we don't do it too often. She requested this most recent painting when I was getting ready and she spotted the nail polish. "Toes, toes, toes?" her cute little voice asked over and over. I couldn't tell her no, she was just too cute. As it has worn off through baths and play she was recently in my bathroom again, wanting me to fix them.

Kate is spunky, sassy, very emotional, our resident drama queen. She is loud and whiny. Soft and sweet. She loves to read books, get into my bathroom cupboards, wear fruit baskets on her head, pretties on her neck and bows in her hair.
She could survive on fruit alone.

I love my kids!

Arizona Fall

Yes, "fall" as in 80 degree weather in January. Our backyard trees finally dropped their leaves and we took advantage of some easy fun. 

Flip flops one day...

Bare feet another. 

Seeing my kids play barefoot reminds me of my childhood in St. David. My cousins and I would traipse everywhere without shoes, too busy playing to worry about such things.

I am thankful for a backyard for the days when we don't make it to the park. I am so thankful for our easy Arizona winters. And I am especially thankful that I stop and take pictures of our every day life. It may be presumptuous but I know my kids will thank me someday too. If nothing else, I enjoy looking back and on rough days it is helpful to have images of our life to keep things in perspective, be reminded of what truly matters.

Artsy Fartsy

Mid-December I introduced Max and Kate to the arts. Well, toddler style arts, that is. I gave them a row of paints and tried to get away with them just using one color at a time. I can be controlling like that, wanting them to craft away appealing to my type-A tendencies to keep things neat and orderly. Riiiight. They wanted them all open and proceeded to make brown art. I told my inner control freak to pipe down and let them be.

Clearly just painting on paper is boring. One must cover all their bases, experiment, really channel your inner artist.

Just in case you were wondering, paint does not taste good.

Not good at all in fact.

Thus ended our painting. We made brown bath water instead.

Trouble

What happens when I leave Sesame Street on as my babysitter for 15 minutes so I can shower?

Um, yeah. Turkeys found a few of Phil's markers and decorated the pantry door. 

Here's Kate trying to erase her wrong doings. Ironically, she is actually using an eraser, though she doesn't know that.

Max also trying to clean up.

Don't be fooled or feel sorry for the boy. He is only crying here because I made him stand by the door when he wanted to look at the camera screen.

I am proud to say I did not raise my voice or get upset with them. We did talk about not drawing on walls, only on paper and I repeatedly told them this was "a no". Obviously I first grabbed the camera which is a good tactic to keep your wits about you. And it makes you smile after the fact. Who can blame them? They were unsupervised and discovered some fantastic fun. Can't count on Elmo for everything!

Thank goodness for Magic Eraser.

Uh-Oh

Not sure how I feel about this.