My Sweet Camden

Today as I was cleaning the house, I started dusting around the TV center. I carefully dusted all the small knick knacks and figurines. In th upper left corner I have a small album where I keep all of Camden's ultrasound pictures. As I picked up the album to dust I stopped and started flipping through the pictures. Memories and feelings started flooding. I looked at the dates on the scans, first one was in November 2005. We were so excited to go to our first appointment. The technician spent over 45 minutes capturing different shots and the pictures printing from the machine soon started piling to the floor. We didn't know anything was wrong. Later the Dr. came in and said Camden had a bulging abdomen. This could be normal as the organs make their way from the umbilical cord into his tummy, so she wanted to send us to a specialist in a few weeks to have another scan taken. We were devastated and unsure of our future and what this possible prognosis could mean. We went to Phil's parents house to share the news and Phil and Reed gave me a blessing. We were formally diagnosed with Trisomy 13 on December 12, 2005 through Amniocentesis.

In our bedroom I have two large 11x14 framed pictures of Camden and Phil. They are so precious to me. I love how Phil is cradling Camden. They were taken during Camden's last hours with us. Free from the cords and monitors in the NICU. He is so fragile and tiny, his little 4 pound body failing. I love having pictures around, they help me remember. As I was dusting I was overcome with emotion and tears blurred my vision. It has been 15 months since Camden's passing. Just when you think you are fine, that you are "over" the hump, you're not. You never will be. Life moves on, but my feelings remain the same.

I love Camden so much it hurts. It hurts to remember all that we have been through. But I wouldn't trade it for anything. I treasure that sweet baby. I cannot wait until I hold him again. I will hold him. I will feel his soft sweet cheeks. My favorite part of his little face was just under his chin, it was like velvet, little peach fuzz and sweet baby goodness. I want to see his eyes, know what color they are. They never opened.

I know that Camden lives. I know that we are an Eternal Family. For this I am grateful. I am grateful that Phil & I have made temple covenants that ensures that we will be reunited. I love my Savior and am blessed with His loving arms when I need comfort.


April 4, 2006...Just 20 days later we meet.


Look at that sweet face & smile! I love you Camden!


April 27, 2006
Sweet Goodbye

How does your garden grow?

Phil has been faithfully working on our backyard and our little patio pots, aka our "garden". Just two tomato plants make up our little garden. One Roma and one Cherry. It is so stinkin' hot here, and Phil goes out every morning to give them a soak, just so they can have enough gumption and strength to make it through the day. We "tried" a full blown garden last year, and the poor thing got burned out, plus our thumbs weren't so green, if you know what I mean! I am very thankful Phil takes the time to make our yard beautiful. Thanks Babe!

Here are before pics of the backyard....

And After!

Finally, a Blog to call my own!

Okay, so I have been a blog junkie for awhile. It all started with my sister-in-law Allison. She has a great blog and from there I just kept blog-hopping from one blog to the next. Granted I don't know half the people on her links, I just like to look at everyone else's pics and cute blogs. Since I have never been great at journaling I figure this is a modern day way to get going. Now that I have my own blog to keep me busy, perhaps I will quit lurking on other people's sites...then again maybe not! Welcome!