Tomorrow marks 2 years ago that I found out I was pregnant with Camden. We were so excited. So much so that we started telling people right away. Camden was a wonderful experience, the pregnancy was picture perfect. Nausea never came around, nope, I frequented the porcelain for the other pesky ailment. It was dubbed my "office" at work since I was there between every patient and never could sleep through the night without at least 3 visits, let alone make it through a movie or walk down the streets of Rome without interruption.
I am a planner by nature. Map it out, write it down and make it happen, then cross it off and move on to the next task. I have been planning to get pregnant for the past 7 months. But this time things are not going according to plan. At least not
my plan. I am definitely not in control here, despite my best efforts. I have charted, tested and mapped out the best course for achieving my ultimate goal each month, and yet each month we fail. It is very frustrating and depressing to say the least.
I am pretty sure we have failed again this month. No baby news, just another month to plan. It seems everywhere I look I am surrounded by happy expectant mothers or beautiful newborns. I lost it in sacrament meeting today, just got all teary as I observed cute bellies and soft cuddly cheeks. So began my monthly day of depression. It is short lived, just one day for me to mourn and then snap out of it. Life goes on and so will mine. Not to make this post a pity party for me, I just need to get my thoughts out so I
can move on. Tomorrow I will be better and ready for another month to begin.
I am not patient. Phil says it will happen and I believe it will. I just wanted it yesterday, or 7 months ago, or rather 16 months, 2 weeks, 3 days and 9 hours ago. I reread my patriarchal blessing tonight. A certain sentence jumped out at me and I know it is the counsel I need right now. "You must and you shall realize that anything worthwhile is worth working and praying for." How true and very appropriate right now. If you will excuse me, I have some praying to do.
P.S. To all you pregnant people out there, I really am happy for you. No worries, I'm just a bit jealous...but happy nonetheless.