Sundays

Yesterday I went to Relief Society for the first time in over 10 months. No lie. I don't know how mothers do it with juggling a three hour church block, napless babes and manage to soak in some semblance of spirituality. Obviously I don't manage it, hence the almost one year drought of feeding my Spirit in a formal church setting.

My kids are crib babies, meaning they only sleep well in their beds. Phil and I worked hard to attain this and I am happy with it. Our meeting starts at 9AM, about when the kids need to go down for their morning nap. Lately we have been enduring sacrament meeting and then Phil takes us all home where I nurse them and they go down for a nap and Phil returns to the rest of the meeting.

I received a new calling, Visiting Teaching Coordinator, and needed to be set apart after the block, so this time I got to return to church. It was so wonderful. I didn't get back in time for Sunday School but I was able to sit through a lovely lesson with the sisters, sing hymns and soak up the Spirit that was present. I needed it. I missed it and I am happy to get a little bit of "me" back. I've missed me, that part of me that has been neglected.

One of the greatest challenges I have faced since Max and Kate were born is still taking the time to nurture Heather, and remember not to lose myself in the great role of Mother. Being a mother is such a responsibility. We are in charge of growing and teaching little people; their physical well-being and playing the lead role in ensuring they are fed both physically and spiritually. We are to support our husbands, run a household, take care of EVERYONE. Oh yes, and don't forget yourself!

I have forgotten myself. In the beginning it was about survival, just the basics; sleep, feeding myself so I could then feed my babies. All of my energy was for them. And that is fine and well in the beginning. But now I need more. I am happy to be a mother and recognize this as my divine role but in order to be the best mother I can be I also need to feed the old me. My new challenge is setting aside time for scripture study and personal prayer before collapsing into bed. How can I expect to lead and teach my children if I am not being taught myself? I certainly can't do this alone and I am not expected to but I must remember to ask for help.

Phil teaches in Elder's Quorum twice a month. We have agreed to switch Sundays, I get to attend a full block twice a month and he will do the same when he teaches. For now that works for us and someday, I hope, we will all make it through, maybe when the kids start nursery?

What do you do to make it through church and how do you find time for yourself?

California 2010

Last weekend we packed up half our house (or so it seems) and made the five hour trek to visit Stephanie, Phil's lovely sister who is lucky enough to have made her home in California.

This was the farthest we have travelled with Max & Kate and we wisely left at their bedtime, seven o'clock. It means a weary Phil as the sole driver but it is worth the peace and quiet and minimal mom guilt I feel.

The kids did well and only Max seems to complain. But then again, I'd complain too if I was strapped tightly into a hard seat for five hours and every time I fell asleep my head bobbled and I just couldn't get comfortable. Our bums were very happy to get out of the truck when we pulled up to Steph's house at midnight.

We soaked up the glorious cooler weather and enjoyed some mighty fine company. Stephanie & I had a girls' night and saw Inception, Phil & I had two (2!) dates; goofy golfing & frozen yogurt and then a nice lunch that we ate outside at a park. We drove the hour to LA to go to the Fashion district and upon arrival decided to ditch that idea. Double-wide stroller, small crowded inner-city shopping with smokers left and right and wee babes just didn't mesh well. Stephanie was a good sport with our wishy-washiness and took us to the Santa Monica Pier instead. Bless her.









Kate rockin' some awesome hair.





The only pictures we took was on our beach day. It was such a nice day, overcast and cool. We walked the pier, enjoyed the breeze and I had brief nightmares of my children falling into the ocean and later that night my imagination launched into overdrive as I played out various horrific scenarios of children lost to the sea. Am I the only crazy mother who thinks of these things? Phil & Steph thought so.

I also had the immense pleasure of having a family session with these handsome mugs:



More to come on the new photography blog soon.

We had a great get away. Stephanie was the perfect host, her sweet boy shared his toys and had fun with the babes and we are still dreaming of cooler weather.

10 Months

Once again time manages to slip through my fingers and I am left wondering where it has gone and why it goes so swiftly. Especially when it comes to my kids growing; up, up and away! Dramatic? Perhaps. But really, they need to stop.

So, 10 months old. They have been in our home longer than it took to grow them, though they passed that mark 2 months ago since they were early jumpers.

Below are a  few favorite images. Yes, I use the word "few" very loosely here.

Like any good dental hygienist my kids have been brushing since Kate's first tooth made it's appearance a few months ago. Max doesn't have any teeth yet but that doesn't stop him. I brush Kate's teeth first with just a swipe of paste and then she is free to do the rest. Max is often found with one brush in his mouth and another in his hand seeing as he is an expert "swiper".





Things I want to remember about Kate at this age:



Your sweet baby blue eyes and your "Cindy Lu Who" hair. This morning you woke with the best punk rocker mohawk.

Your impish grin punctuated by two darling dimples.





You have become my second skin, the little monkey on my back, my shadow, etc. If I am in the vicinity and you are not in my arms then this is of course tragic! Oh the drama! You will crawl to me (crying/whining all the way) and then once you are in my arms you promptly pop in your thumb and snuggle in on my chest or shoulder, tears instantly shut off. Little stink. I was changing Max's diaper and couldn't hold you right then, you sat at my legs and cried and then finally just laid your head down on my leg in defeat.

Yesterday I was on the floor with you two playing and you weren't content until you could lay down on me. Sitting beside me, between my legs on the floor, in my lap facing out do not cut it. You must be able to snuggle in. I keep reminding myself to soak it in, it won't always be like this and I know I will miss your complete devotion. Though I must say your daddy feels left out.



I love your cheesy grins that show off your two little teeth.

You will also "talk" with me. I can "hmmm" and you will repeat the tone. We go back and forth for quite some time.

You say mama and I know now that you know what it means as you say it when you come crawling desperately towards me.

I love how you pop your head up from bed like a little turtle. Or when I come to get you after naps and you are kneeling at the crib rails looking like a little prisoner waiting to break out.

Your Uncle Reed steals you every Sunday during sacrament meeting as soon as we walk in the chapel, your cuteness is undeniable.


Things I want to remember about Max:



My dear boy. I feel like you have been getting the short-end lately as Kate dominates my arms. You don't seem to mind though as you are far too busy, moving from one toy to the next with purpose and determination. Other times you are quiet and content to sit in a lap and lounge.

You crawl everywhere and are fast!

Changing diapers, lotioning and getting dressed have become wrestling matches.

Your favorite room is in the office where you are content to play with cords and paper.

You LOVE the bath.



You love playing with your dad and love to be tickled and gently scared; your laugh is contagious.



I love your chubs, your toes, your cheeks.



You are a champion eater and if you see your dad or I with food you get so excited and crawl to us, plop yourself right down and grin, rubbing your feet and hands together in anticipation. If we don't share right away you voice your concern.

You still do headstands. We still munch your legs and peek through to see your squishy smiling face when you do them.

You will see Kate playing with something (anything!) and bulldoze your way over to her to take it away. Life is going to get more lively I am sure when Kate starts protesting more actively, for now she merely cries or doesn't care. You are oblivious, only knowing that you must.have.that.toy!

You both love to read books and will sit quietly and happily as we read through 5 or 6 books. Your favorites are "Dear Zoo" and "Do Cows Bark?". My favorites are Dr. Seuss and of late especially "Mr. Brown can Moo! Can You?". So much so that "Boom! Boom! Boom! Mr. Brown is a wonder. Boom! Boom! Boom! Mr. Brown makes thunder." has been stuck in my head for days now.

You are both so happy and I am happy to be your mom. Love you.

Life Of Late

Lately my children have been taking to crying. A lot. Crying when they want me. Crying when they need me. Crying when I have met every physical and seemingly emotional need and yet they still need something more. More cuddles, more time, more attention, more love, more. So we stop everything and just sit, cuddle, read books. Separation anxiety has hit our home with Kate especially. She has taken to just wanting her momma and is content to just lay her head on my shoulder and suck her thumb. Sweet pea. It makes it worth the tears.

I don't mind it. Really. Promise. But sometimes, some days, I get tired. At the end of the day I am just taxed out, touched out. Nursing 4-5 times a day, (we are down to 4 and will start the weaning process next month), diapers, feeding solids, lotioning, bathing, managing Max's eczema outbreaks. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, trying to get my photography business in order so I can relaunch. Busy. The kind of busy where you feel exhausted but if you look around you it can be hard to see your efforts. Right now mine are crawling at my feet.

I also haven't been taking care of myself as I should. Some days my eating is atrocious and sugar is a siren that calls my name. It has been winning lately. This needs to stop. Exercise has been sporadic at best and that is being generous. It is too hot to go outside. I am tired. The kids need me. Dinner needs to be made. I just ate. Blah, blah, blah. I have the best excuses and deep down I know better. I deserve better. I just need to DO better. I know how, it is the doing that gets lost.

Some days I don't shower til the afternoon, or at all. Today I tried something new and we all got in the shower, granted it was at 2pm but at least we are clean! Max wasn't a fan of water coming from above so I quickly washed up myself and the kids and then gave them bath time.

This is Phil's last week of work. Hooray and holy crap scary at the same time. The first time we are going without a steady income. Last week I received our first electricity bill for the rental home we are staying in and I had a mini meltdown. We are frugal (read: cheap!, just ask our relatives) and conservative with our AC. So I was caught off guard with the higher bill. It sent me right to craigslist.org to look for dental hygiene jobs and thus the stress spiral began. I spent the rest of the afternoon/evening worrying about finances, working, being away from my kids, arranging for childcare so I could work, the added cost it would incur...

And then I said a prayer and reminded myself to breathe. Families do this all the time. We will be fine. I am FINE. I just keep telling myself this and on we go.

We are waiting to hear from the Army about a 4 year scholarship and with the lolly gagging run around we are experiencing we are thisclose to pulling out and beginning the process to secure a 3 year scholarship with the Air Force instead. *Phil just called me and said he pulled his application with the Army. Here we come AF!* We hope and pray. School starts August 3rd.

I have a crying Kate at my feet, snuggling required. And Max has joined the chorus.

Despite the mini-vent above I am happy and know that I am blessed to stay home with these nuggets. I remember going through my period of infertility and getting so annoyed by others who "complained" about motherhood. I would have given my right arm to have kids and here these moms were boo-hooing about how hard things were, I told myself I wouldn't do that. And here I am. Now I have a better understanding of these women. Motherhood in all it's glory is wonderful but more often your days are routine, can seem unfulfilling and yes, it is hard. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying.

Still, everyone has their challenges and there are seasons for everything. Mine right now is the responsibility of two little beings who rely on me for their every need and I wouldn't change a thing.Well, maybe the whole poor student thing...









And yes, we are a public blog again. Add us back to your reader!

Chop Chop

Pardon the absence. Phil has been comandeering our main computer which houses my photos. Every night the boy has been slaving away on my behalf creating my new photography blog (coming soon to an internet near you!) so I can hardly complain. And during the day I have two little crawlers who command my attention, so... that is my excuse. Enough of that. What you really want is a few pictures, right? At least I know of one Grandma who wants some eye candy.

Max got his first haircut. His little noggin' was needing some attention; he had thick hair on the bottom and behind one ear his hair was poofing out refusing to lay behind his ear, not to mention the sparse hair in the back where he rests his little head. It was time. We recruited his Aunt Melissa to do the deed and it was a 3 man job; one to cut, one to hold and of course, one to document the occasion.

Behold, the transformation. (Copious amounts of pictoral documention follows, of course).



Does he look scared? Worried?



He did well. I thought the noise would startle him but he was quite content and sat while Melissa buzzed away. There was no way we could have accomplished this with scissors. He is too grabby for that.









And finally he starts to lose it, thankfully not until the end.









So handsome. So grown-up. As I nursed him that evening I was a little melancholy over the loss of his soft locks. I would stroke his head as he ate and now there was a rough stubble. Sad.

And I also went under the scissors. My hair was crying for attention, tired of the ponytail day in and day out that has been my mom uniform since the kids were born and even before that it was my hygiene 'do. Hair up and out of the way, only getting glammed out for Sundays. So, chop chop! Again, courtesty of my dear Melissa. It is nice to have a change though occasionally I wish for my longer tresses.