Five Years

April 24, 2006 at 12:10pm I delivered a four pound baby boy. Camden Brown Gunnell. He was 4 weeks early because we wanted him born alive and without stress so I had a c-section. He was so little. There was no strong cry as they pulled him out. He had a team of doctors and nurses surrounding him; rubbing, suctioning, examining and encouraging, always checking vitals. Phil hovered around as close as he could to record these first precious moments on video.

Finally we hear his muted cry, it sounded like a kitten mewing, just like they said it would due to his condition. I am on the operating table behind a blue curtain, arms stretched out and shaking from the spinal block I received. A little bundle is pressed next to my cheek and soon we all head to a recovery room. He is to only receive comfort care until he passes away. There will be no heroic measures to save a little body beyond repair they told us. 

http://www.livingwithtrisomy13.org/memoriesofCamden.htm

April 26th we spend our last hours with him. 

~ ~ ~

This morning as I read happy updates on Facebook regarding the light hearted secular side of Easter I was a bit annoyed*. Easter means so much more than bunnies, eggs and candy. Seeing that Camden's birthday falls on Easter this year I am more sensitive to this and was having a low moment missing my boy. 

Our Savior died for us and more importantly He lives for us. Because He lives, Camden lives. I know this with every fiber of my being and have wept tears of joy, gratitude and sorrow today. Joy and gratitude for the gospel because I will see our son again. Sorrow because he is not here with us now and as I watch Max and Kate grow I am reminded of all that we have missed with Camden. I know that Max and Kate would  have adored their big brother and in my heart and mind's eye I like to think that Camden would have been a tender and helpful brother to them. I know they will know him and that I will get to raise him. 

I know this. And yet, my heart still hurts and yearns. 

Happy Birthday Camden.


*I am not against celebrating the holiday with fun activities and will implement them into our own family celebrations as the kids get older. But I always want the focus to be on the Savior, the real reason we celebrate. My mom would give us our baskets on Saturday and I plan on doing the same.

Testosterone Reigns

You are looking at one sweet little boy shot and a happy high five!

Kate and I are officially outnumbered 3 to 2 now. Four when we count Camden and we always count Camden. :)

I can't believe I am 17 weeks now, subsequent pregnancies when you already have kids at home leave you very little time to lounge around reading baby books and pouring over names. I am always surprised by how fast it is going. Hooray for babies!

My check-up went well, 0 pounds gained this visit, which is shocking since my sweet tooth has dominated lately. I may or may not have had a butterfinger mini-blizzard today because of that magic number. 

April of Late

April has escaped us, the month is almost over. A few highlights of the past week or so:

We are enjoying some Grandma time as my mom is in town. For whatever reason I am terrible at taking pictures when she is here. She is good and records the kids on her video camera for her use and enjoyment at home while I just revel in having her around and watching my kids get to know and love their sweet Grandma. They were shy the first few hours and have since hit it off. This is good.

We have been dealing with an ant problem. It started in the guest bedroom with a dropped animal cracker and then moved throughout the house as the ants traveled through the adjoining walls of the guest bath and finally the office. We vacuumed, sprayed natural bug spray and hoped for the best. The next night they traversed across the kitchen tile to a remnant of the kids' dinner and were out in full force by morning which we discovered the hard way when Phil got bit while he was sitting on the living room rug as we were all shaking off the sleepies as the kids drank their morning milk on the couch. (I promise I clean my house!) We vacuumed again, steam cleaned the floors and sprayed vinegar on the tile to disrupt the scent trails. No dice.

Long story short: we called pest control after telling them we just wanted to ascertain the source and not have them do a blanket perimeter spray with noxious chemicals. Carpet was lifted this morning at 6:30am in the office and the ant party was found. The bug man sprayed there and around the perimeter of the outside of the house. And the ants are history, fingers crossed. And yes, I vacuumed the entire house again.

Kate randomly puked at dinner last night. Just up and lost her tummy contents. She had been acting off all yesterday and wasn't eating much but did drink her milk. No warning, just lost it all, poor dear. Phil took her to the tub and washed her down and then we watched her the rest of the evening. Nothing more from her. I cancel my dinner date with a few friends. She has a fever.

Max was acting fine until two hours later we are all sitting on the couch snuggling with Kate and he loses it too. Awesome. Clean him up, the couch (thank goodness for leather!) and again, no warning, he just loses it all over the couch again. Strangely enough, he would get sick, we'd clean him up and then he'd go play like nothing was wrong. No fever, nothing. This is the first time he has been sick and he had a rougher go of it last night. He continued to dry heave and when it hit him he didn't know what to do. It was so sad to see him laying in the hallway with his head on the tile just moaning. He slept fitfully, gagging every hour or so until after midnight.

He woke up this morning feeling fine, ate a light breakfast and lunch and even ate some of my asparagus at dinner. Kate continued to feel crappy and we spent most of our day in our jammies, on the couch watching countless episodes of Barney on netflix. And whining. Lots of whining. My favorite.





Poor baby fell asleep on the couch not 45 minutes after her 2 1/2 hour nap, slightly nibbled cracker in hand. She only got to rest for 10 minutes or so since Max kept "sharing" all his toys with her.

Why I need Child-Proof Locks

The front room on any given day. I have since bought two small totes and divvied up their toys, we rotate once a week so they play with everything and don't get bored.



The kitchen on any given day, usually worse. Max will drag my mixer around the house by the cord. Why do I buy toys?



The guilty parties. Do you know how many times I have to confiscate feminine products and track down brushes, combs and curling irons?

Curiosity usually ends up getting someone hurt:









I tried installing locks when we first moved in and without a drill the cabinet wood split as I tightened the screws. I abandoned my efforts and have dealt with it for the past 10 months. Lately I am just plain tired of cleaning up the same tornado messes all day long. I have a drill in my amazon cart, I will push "buy" first thing tomorrow morning.

Kate's First Pigtails & Other Tidbits

Kate's friend Nora came to play last week and was sporting some adorable pigtails. Since they have the same length of hair I decided it was time for Kate to have some hair style options. She miraculously held still long enough, there was some redirection on my part, and soon enough she was sporting two lop-sided pigtails. Amazingly she left them alone for the most part at first. She did try and take them out as the day went on but I am just as stubborn as she or more so and I won, the pigtails stayed.

Kate's current obsession is Phil's iPhone. Max loves it too and it causes strife so I don't like to let them have it or any expensive electronics at all. Phil is a sucker and loves to show them videos of themselves that he has captured.

Here is Kate in the backyard last week, Phil was going to study and his phone was within sight and reach. Kate went in for the capture and Phil let her.

Her sweet face of triumph!

We went on a walk/run to the library and her bear joined us all through story time. My baby girl who never falls asleep in the car or stroller conked out the last 10 minutes of our walk home.

We have gone back to two naps during the day. The past two weeks Max without fail will fall asleep in the car if we go anywhere from 9am on. I am trying to figure this out and push them to go longer in the mornings but by 10am they are done. Then they sleep for over two hours. Which is all fine and good but that usually means they won't nap again in the afternoon.

Today I woke them up from the morning nap and put them down again for an afternoon nap so I could watch conference. It worked though I put them down too early and there was playing and then protesting but they did fall asleep. This puts a damper on all morning activities such as story time at the library and any play groups with friends. They are starting to sleep longer or just be quiet in the mornings until closer to 7am now that I am making sure to wear them out with some physical play; playground, wrestling, pool time, etc.