The Power of Prunes

Alternate titles:

"Why I am mopping my floor today"
"Reason for bath #2"
"I am grateful for my kitchen sprayer"
"Yes, I threw away the outfit"
"Why I need to scrub under my nails"
"Ahhh, I feel better"
"Slip n'slide"
"Why I shouldn't leave my kids unattended"*
"Sure glad he was on the tile"

Ah, fun times. Just another day! Don't worry Mary, your jumper has been washed and thoroughly sanitized!

*I was answering email in the office, kids within earshot, safe and contained, away for a few minutes. After I finish I head back to the living room and see Max slipping and sliding in a large puddle. I first think he spit up since they had just finished eating lunch of a lovely combo of sweet potato, butternut squash and applesauce. I fear the worst and hope for the best. His clean face confirms that it is indeed the other end. Ahhh. Wonderful. No matter, my floors were dirty anyway! Love that kid.

It's Official

After 5 or 6 trips (I've lost count) last week alone to the West Valley we finally decided upon a rental house and placed our money where our mouth is by placing a deposit. No turning back. We are moving. Packing commences, temporary chaos ensues. Sigh.

3 weeks to pack up our life and move it across town. Sigh.

Our children were amazing as we dragged them all over town, turning their nice and predictable nap schedule on it's head as they endured hours each day strapped in their car seats. Mommy guilt was heavy as my poor babes protested each time we buckled them in, each time they fell asleep for a few minutes at a time, their poor necks in all manner of contortion, bobbing up and down, swaying back and forth to the rhythm of the road. Or the absence of naps leading to frustrated, overtired babies. But they survived, as did we. I am so glad we are done with that.

We took one final look at the house and then drove to the property management company to put our deposit in the weekend drop box. We looked at each other, reaffirmed aloud that this was what we wanted to do and I slipped the envelope into the slot. No backing out now.

We were silent as we traveled home, each lost in our thoughts. This was big. I told Phil that this was like the first slap in the face of what will be a progressive string of "slaps", each stinging more than the last.

Finding a rental. Placing a deposit. Signing a lease. Packing. Moving from our home of almost 6 years. Phil quitting his job, absence of income. Medical school. Slap, slap, SLAP!

Now, time to get to work.

Sunday Best

My current favorite shot of Phil & Kate. This one's going on the wall and it's going to be big!



Max's first real white shirt and tie.

4 Years

I talk all the time about time flying by with Max & Kate. Today my first born would have turned four. Four years! And so I ask again, where has time gone? In quiet moments of reflection I have been sad and tears have flown. Now that I have Max & Kate it is easier to see what we have missed with Camden. I was feeding the kids their breakfast of prunes and applesauce and telling them that it was their brother's birthday and tears filled my eyes. I could imagine a rambunctious little boy running around, joining us for breakfast, being the best big brother and helper. I know he would have loved his siblings and they in turn would delight in him.

But I know even more that our sweet boy is ours eternally. When we meet him again I know that he will be whole, healthy, strong, glorious. I know that I cannot fathom the joy of that blessed reunion nor can I truly glimpse the magnitude of the love our Savior has for each of us. I am forever grateful for the Atonement, for the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ, for the temple covenants that bind us as a family. I know that Camden lives and he does so because of our Savior and because of that infinite love.

Sweet Son, we love you. We miss you. Happy Birthday baby.

Love, Mama

Change

I spent most of today driving. Driving 60 miles away from my home to scout out a new home, one closer to Midwestern University. After spending hours on craigslist and the Internet looking for suitable housing I had located 2 possibilities and made arrangements to see them. I loaded up the kids and we hit the road at 10am.

1 hour and 20 minutes later we arrived at Melissa's home, my sister-in-law who recently relocated to Peoria. We unloaded, I fed the kids and Melissa fixed us both lunch and we left shortly thereafter.

The first house was just up the street from her, less than a mile away. It is clean and would suit our family nicely for our time in medical school. The second home I didn't even go in the front door. It was trashed, there was an eviction notice on the front door and when I opened it there was all the people's stuff in there! I had an uneasy feeling, locked it back up real quick and we drove away, firmly crossing that one off our short list.

As I was driving home I began to be a bit melancholy. This is for REAL. We are MOVING. Change! Big, BIG changes! Oh, I don't care for change. 5 hours after we left we arrived home. I fed and put the kids down for a nap. I began to notice all the little things in my home that I have taken for granted. Silly things really; the height of our bathroom counters, the large tile, my pantry, our large backyard and extended lot. We have a nice, modest home and I have been so happy here.

For so long medical school has been something that we just talked about, something that we just kept tucked away in our back pockets. "Next year...", "Oh this summer we will move...", "in August...", "the kids will be 9 months old...", so on and so forth. Now all of a sudden it is here! BAM! In our faces. A reality that is not going away unless we walk away. This has been such a tumultuous decision process and not one we have taken lightly. Do we go? Do we stay? Will it be worth it? Then we would agonize and deliberate, toss concerns back and forth. We researched loans, scholarships and had a coronary attack at the massive amount of debt we would incur if we paid for it through loans alone, plus interest! The we would worry more and when it became too much we tucked right back into our pockets to worry about another day. Well that day is here. And we have decided to press forward. Full steam ahead!

Phil applied to the Air Force for the Health Professions Scholarship Program. This will pay for tuition for all 4 years, plus give us a monthly stipend to live off of. It would ease the burden of debt and allow me to only work 1 or 2 days a week to make ends meet. The contingency is applying for and serving a military residency and then after all training is complete we would owe them 4 years of active duty service and 4 years of reserves. All in all we are looking 12 years down the road before we are free and clear.

Scary.

Overwhelming.

We found out Monday that Phil did not get the scholarship, he was placed on an alternate list but do to the highly competitive nature of the program that list is not likely to move.

Plan B: We have applied to the Army for the same scholarship program and won't hear until mid-June. If we don't get it then we move to Plan C: Go back to the Air Force and apply for a 3 year scholarship instead. One less year to pay back! We would have to finance the first year of school ourselves.

Oh, woe is me! I am stopping this right now. We will be fine. This is good, progress! Change may be hard but we can do hard things. My patriarchal blessing says "you must and you shall realize that anything worthwhile is worth working and praying for". I believe my learning period is about to begin. I better start praying.

We are trying to be faithful and press forward. I know that people do this all the time; move away, go to school, incur debt in the name of progress and self-improvement, live on a meager income (or loans!) and through it all they live to tell about it, they have families, growing experiences, make wonderful friends, they THRIVE. So can we. We can do hard things. Ready, set, GO!

Naptime Snuggles

No words.

Easter Week

My mom and Link came down to visit during their spring break. Monday evening for FHE we went down to the Mesa Cemetary to see Camden's grave. It is the first time we have taken the kids and this is our first family picture with all of us since we were discharged from the hospital. I am thankful that my parents were there to help us capture it.


We returned the favor. Max & Kate with their Papa Link and Grandma Nay.


I shot this as we were walking to the truck. I love it. Max's eyes are incredible and there is no crazy photoshop involved, just a low aperture.



We loaded the kids and as Phil was shutting the door he noticed Kate. Girl can't keep her headbands on, they are either blind folds or neck ties. I was hoping she never figured this out. I love her pouty lips and sweet double chin.



We topped off the evening by going downtown to find something to eat, lugging the kids in their carseats as we walked down Main Street back and forth only to find everything closed. We returned home and I made BBQ chicken pizza and had apple pie a la mode with caramel sauce and watched the Blindside.

The rest of the week was spent enjoying family and ending with Conference. It was wonderful and I really enjoyed the messages and emphasis on teaching our children. I have since listened to the sessions again online. How blessed we are to have access to them again and again.

I am so grateful for this gospel, for our Savior who has made it possible for us to return to our Heavenly home, for the covenants that Phillip & I have made with the Lord and each other that enables my family to be forever, that I will see Camden again. I am so blessed to be a mother.