Found

That's right. Found my keys.

Where were they, you ask?

At the temple all this time?

No.

In my temple bag!

Yes, you read right. In the bag.

The. Whole. Time.

The whole time Phil was scouring the men's locker room and areas he roamed that day, the whole time we were bickering back and forth. The whole time we called a lock smith to come and let us in our house. All the while they were with ME!

I went to the temple today with my mom and was checking to make sure I had everything. And there they were, just waiting patiently next to my white slippers.

I called Phil and informed him of the blessed discovery. He said he knew he gave them to me. Hah! Next time I will dig a little deeper or I just need to go to the temple more often.

Lucky 7

Happy 7!

We started out happy and young. (We still are.)

Goals were planned and systematically checked off.

School, a small apartment, and 2 houses later.

We made a little miracle together.

We became parents.

We buried our only child together.

We still like each other.

We push through challenges.

We have fun.

Here's to us & seven wonderful years.

May this year be a lucky one as we come closer to goals and desires.

Love you Babe.

Resolve

I haven't posted for awhile and was struggling to find something worthy. Do I recap 2008? Nah, not much happened and I don't want to share the most intimate details of my life that has made 2008 "memorable". The big events being mostly heartache and challenges or shall we say "learning opportunities". And yet there was plenty of good. That is important to remember. My life is good.

I was hoping to finish 2008 off by checking off a major TO DO: a baby. But that hasn't been in the cards. I was struggling this weekend with a new set back, searching for answers and direction. Some insight:

• Instead of focusing on what is out of my hands, I found that I need to focus on improving myself. My spiritual self. My physical self; health and strength.
• I need to learn to let go. This is hard. I like to be in control. I like to plan, list and steadily check off that list.
• Some things you can't plan; some things you have no control over. The theme for my year could very well be "I am not in charge!"
• Patience. Patience. Patience. And some more for good measure.
• I must and I shall realize that anything worthwhile is worth working and praying for.
• Pray. Read. Improve.

While I may not completely control my life's circumstances, I am in control of myself; my conduct, my spiritual and physical well being. And there is always room for improvement. A New Year. A new beginning.

I am hopeful. Determined.

Sweet

Last night I had the pleasure of hanging out with my 3 nieces, all 6 years old. One was feeling under the weather and we mainly camped out upstairs with her. Coloring, crackers, apple juice and countless episodes of the Smurfs were involved plus a little time with The Beaver.

As the evening progressed I parried with 6 year-old logic and tried to discipline a crafty little one who snuck some bread after we brushed our teeth. She pulled some classic moves, when I discovered the heist I asked what she thought we should do. She looked up at me under her long lashes and meekly offered "Waste it?". She's a smart one, offering to take the high road. Love her. I was trying to be firm and keep the smile out of my eyes. She ate her bread reasoning that it wouldn't hurt her teeth and heaven forbid we waste it.

Phil joined us later in the evening and brought with him his Wall Street Journal. As he completed sections of the paper he placed them on the floor. "S" grabbed the paper and began to "read". This lasted a good 10 minutes and the WSJ is not known for it's pictures.

Deep discussions were had with one who had just lost her tooth, we secured it safely under her pillow and as I was tucking her in she asked me what I thought the Tooth Fairy looked like. I asked her what she thought and she gave a glowing description and snuggled in wondering what she would bring. Sweet innocence. I love how she believes.

Childhood is beautiful and motherhood divine. I can't wait.

My Views & To Do's

There is finally evidence of a bit of Christmas Cheer in this home:
The tree is up, fluffed and thanks to it being prelit, it sparkles. I have yet to further adorn it's boughs; I may not. It is simple and clean. Haven't we been counseled to simplify?



It is dark and dreary out, my house is borderline too cool and I have yet to touch the thermostat.

We're thrifty like that...

Preferring more economical ways to warm up.



I find it does the trick.



I must brave the elements and leave my cozy abode to replenish our supplies. Phil will be most appreciative as hot dinners have been lacking around here. A lot of this to do. And I have enjoyed it.



A trip to Sprout's is in order, healthy goodness to buy and meals to cook. I think today calls for a hot & hearty pot of Chicken & Dumplings. Then there are gingerbread men to bake and decorate with the youth.

It is more than drizzling now; I may need another cup to go.

Six Words

After dressing Camden for his funeral and saying goodbye for the Last Time: May 5, 2006

I fleetingly entered a giveaway on another photographer's blog. I didn't win but it made me think. The photographer, inspired by Hemingway, challenged you to write your own story in just six words. It was rumored that Hemingway was challenged to write a story in a single sentence, and has since become the standard to which micro-fiction should aspire. His story is as follows:

"For sale: baby shoes, never used."

Amazing. Perfectly succinct and to the point.

What could I write? Obviously the pinnacle of my life to date has been dear Camden. How do you sum up the birth and death of a son? How do you describe the deep scars that are etched in your heart? The longing, heartache and yet, the happiness? With only six words.

I am not the only person who has encountered trials; others who entered the contest spoke of cancer, betrayal, and loved ones lost. I felt Hemingway already wrote my story. How could I say it better?

I know my life is not just about Camden's birth and death. The most important thing I have learned is that our life together is not over; we have a second chance and that is the one that matters most. Without the knowledge that I have, my life could be defined just by loss and that would be tragic. So here are my six words:

Eternity. Knowing makes all the difference.

What are your six words?

To do, to do...

1. Finish editing 2 shoots from last week. Begin editing the FOUR sessions from this weekend.

2. Perhaps tackle the mountain of paper that is threatening to overtake my desk. It is no longer a threat actually; it has overtaken the office. Someone procrastinates filing.

3. Spread some Christmas cheer. Maybe.

I am just not feeling it this year, perhaps the 75 degree weather has something to do with it, perhaps not.

4. Quit lolly-gagging around with the blog and get my disheleveled rear in gear. Shower and perform the magic of make-up and a blow dryer to get party ready. After I finish editing because I know nothing else will get done until the photo season is over.