Mother

With medical school I have come to have zero expectations of Phil in regards to gifts, holidays, etc. I know that it isn't truly important but will admit that it is nice to be thought of. So when he came home close to 10pm last night and said that he had something for me I was skeptical and cautious. I opened the front door and there were two twiggy fruit trees. Sweet man. We have talked about wanting more trees in our yard and he said he was wandering around Wal-mart last night (nothing like last minute!) and came across a plum and pear tree. He snatched them up and declared them my gift, because trees "last forever" and don't die within the week like flowers. I'll take it! Sadly, we won't be around to see them mature and bear yummy fruit but it is the thought that counts.

We planted the trees in the cool dark evening and finally crawled into bed just before midnight. This morning he got the babes out of bed, got them their milk and brought me a hungry Rhett. He played a bit of starfall.com with the kids and then packed up and headed out to study for his finals this week. I married a good man. We love him.

I fed the kids breakfast, we played, I showered, and they read books in my closet while Rhett napped. I dried my hair and got ready for church, dressed Max and Kate and together we woke Rhett. Poor kid, no one should have to be woken from a dead sleep, especially startled out of slumber by two boisterous toddlers.

Before we left for church I wanted to take a few pictures of us together. Again since we are flying solo today, the mirror and my not so long arms assisted. Rhett is the only one who somewhat cooperates for photos but the mirror scene perfectly captures what my life is like. Two busy, busy, camera averse toddlers and one happy baby.

I waffled back and forth about attending church on my own and just went for it, hoping that through my desire to attend the Lord would bless me with cooperative children. That and a well packed church bag! We made it through with minimal outbursts, two packages of fruit snacks, crayons, magna doodles and lots of whispered "sit downs!". Bless all those that sat behind us. One of these days I will get there on time so we can snag seating on the carpet to muffle our chaos. I quit while we were ahead and packed up the kids and headed home for naps. Dinner is prepped and once the babes awake we will settle in for a quiet day at home. Hopefully our dad will join us before the night is over, but I'm not holding my breath. I am grateful to have four special spirits in our family. Three children here on earth to help me learn and grow, who are teaching me how to mother. I am grateful for the examples of motherhood I have in my own mother and mother-in-law, sisters-in-law, sister, aunts, cousins, friends... I am surrounded by wonderful women. Happy Mother's Day!

So Long, Farewell, Auf wiedersehen

Monday before the move we met a the park by our house with friends, though certainly not all of our friends that we have made and love during the first half of med school.

We did a potluck dinner and let the kids run crazy at the park and eat whatever they wanted so we could visit. It was hot and we got sweaty, our food melted but we still had a good time. I so enjoyed my time in Peoria and getting to know and love so many wonderful women. It is critical to have a support group around you, those who completely understand what you are going through and to help pass the time. We are going our separate ways for the remainder of our training, a few are coming to the East Valley.

It isn't until you leave that you wish you had done more, taken more opportunities to be together. But I am grateful for what we had and for what is to come. Love you girls, I wish I could take all of you in my back pocket.

Elise, J'lene, Me, Shanna, Amy, Candice

Rhett: 7 Months

He's done it. Gone and turned another month older. And I have gone and gotten behind in posting his monthly updates. At least I am consistently tardy.

 

This sweet babe is in a hurry to be big. He loves to eat table food and when we are dining as a family he knows the difference between our food and his. And he prefers the real deal, none of this puree stuff. He doesn't really give you the option of not sharing, he has eagle eyes and a far reach. 

We have started enjoying the season's watermelon and he is in love! He prefers to have his own slice. I trim off all but 1/4"-1/2" of flesh and let him gnaw and suck on the rind. Don't even think about taking it away from him either. He will yell at you. We get a kick out of his pleasure and passion for food.

He is sleeping through the night and lately even sleeping late into the morning. My early bird who used to rise in the 6 o'clock hour has been sleeping in until 8 and 9am! We'll see if it lasts. 

He is down to nursing 4 maybe 5 times a day and must have food to fill in the gaps. He is a very efficient eater. I have been trying to get him to take a bottle so I can pick up a few days of work here and there but he has no interest. It is a toy to him and I know that this time will be over in a few short months and there is no real need for me to work right now. All in due time. To be honest, I am not ready to leave my babes, even for a few hours, especially Rhett.

He has two teeth and has been a great teether, only one day that he was a bit fussy, sleepy and warm. He still smiles at everyone and is very social. He is also on the move! He gets up on all fours and starts rocking away and has taken a few "steps" on his knees but mostly scoots all over the place. My favorite is when he is on his belly and is kicking his legs like a frog and pumping his arms at the same time. 

We love him so much, that goes without saying but he truly is a doll. Look at those eyes below! And his precious little fingers. Gah! I still eat him all the time.

He loves to take baths with Max and Kate but I am loving our deeper kitchen sink for tubby time now. He is still a slippery guy but this is so much more manageable than keeping hold of him in a big tub with big toddlers. Too many bodies to keep track of.

He is just plump enough and I love his squishy little body. I am always amazed how fast my babies grow. It is most evident when nursing and where their bodies used to curl up close and tight against me, they all too soon have sprawling legs hanging off my lap. 

Sweet Rhett. I love you. Stop growing so fast darn it.

And we're home.

We are unpacked and settled. Pictures are hung, curtains are mostly up and there is only a small pile of boxes waiting for my attention. Mainly textbooks and less read items that need a home. This house has different storage space, Rhett has his own room now and I don't want to make his room the catch-all for our randomness. So it still sits in the corner of the front room, waiting. It will probably wait a bit more though it bugs me every time I walk by.

We rented the largest moving truck, 26 feet long, and still didn't fit everything in. Phil had to go back with a quad trailer and make one more trip for the stragglers. He is convinced we have too much stuff and that we drastically need to downsize. I feel like I have already gone through our stuff and purged here and there. Every thing we have, we use. Three kids and two adults have stuff but I know we will do more selling and donating as we get closer to moving again.

It is good to be home and feel a sense of permanence. Even though that feeling is fleeting as we will only be here for 2 years. But there is a difference in living in something that you own versus something borrowed. Phil spent 13 hours in the yard the other day. Thirteen HOURS. Crazy man. But it desperately needed attention and he is a hard worker and enjoys it. We can now say it is starting to look like ours again. I have some touch-up paint and patching that needs to be done, blinds need some deep cleaning, grout needs scrubbing. Bleh.

We received a warm welcome from our ward, from those that knew us before. It is a good feeling and there are so many new faces that we need to meet. I have learned from our time away that I want to make good use of our time back home, I want to be proactive in meeting new friends and not stay in the safety of the familiar. We most likely have 3 more moves ahead of us, all within 2-3 years of one another. It seems that 2 years is just enough time to get comfortable with your surroundings, make friends and get into a routine. And that is when we will pack up and start over yet again.

When Phil was out working in the yard Max and Kate were in heaven "helping" their dad. They spent the entire day outside, it was nice for all of us! As my husband was outside with my kids and my baby and I inside prepping dinner I felt an immense sense of happiness and satisfaction. It was such a good feeling and I wish I felt that everyday. I need to be deliberate at finding joy and contentment where we are in life. I am happy but more often than not it seems that we have "meh" days, full of tantrums, timeouts bickering and stress. Someone is crying, I lose my temper and patience and then yell. We all miss our dad. I shouldn't complain but this is hard. Motherhood is hard, medical school is hard, life can be hard. An obvious statement and I need to do better, put on a happy face and embrace it.

The kids adjusted relatively well to the move, we tried to make everything as normal and routine for them as possible. But dang, we are going through a rough patch right now in the behavior department. This morning they have both been in timeout 5 times between the two of them. They have only been awake for 3 hours. It is going to be a long day. Blame it on being two, their dad being away so much, me being busy and distracted with putting the house together, less fun time and structured activities with their old friends... Probably all of the above. But every night I go to bed exhausted and drained in every sense of the word and feel like I failed on top of it.

Phil is roughly 6 weeks away from two monster board exams. 8 hours, approximately 350 questions each. He feels like he has the weight of the world on him. And he does, he carries our future in these two exams. No pressure! Thus he is largely absent. He sometimes doesn't come home and we go to family functions solo. I used to be able to run my errands at night after the kids were in bed but without him home I get to take three kids grocery shopping, everywhere. We were a sight at the store last week; me wearing Rhett, pushing a kid cart with two bickering toddlers and pulling a food cart. Trying to be nice and kind as they kept standing up in the cart, pushing each other for more room, "mine"-ing each other to death, whining... "Sit down please, sit on your bum, sit down, SIT DOWN!". This was even after I busted out a package of cookies to keep the peace. Yes, I bribe my kids. As it stands now we are out of fresh produce, the freezer is still empty from the move and we can only subsist on crackers and tuna. Time to get my big girl pants on and grin and bear it.

To Be Two

This post has been sitting in my draft pile since February 5 and I started writing it as Kate and I were in a heated naptime battle, thus the slight voice of frustration in the beginning.

********

Screaming is the language of choice nowadays.

Don't get what you want? Don't want to take your nap? (Ahem Kate!) Scream so your brother can't sleep and you have to be removed from your bedroom. Scream so you have to be put in your parent's closet in a pack n' play because we have no more free rooms to put you in. Put up quite the fight but once you realize you are going to take a nap, surrender and sleep.

Someone takes your toy, shovel, car, cup, fill in the blank... then scream. Scream at the top of your lungs and for good measure yell "mine!" over and over and over again. If that doesn't get the point across and what you deem rightfully yours is not turned over immediately and your mother has to come and intervene then you should throw your body on the ground and kick your legs. Thrash around like a violent fish especially when your mother picks you up to deposit you in your crib until you calm down. But don't calm down. Scream some more and then more, even louder! Scream so the neighbors can probably hear you. Repeat throughout the day to drive your parents crazy and test the limits of their patience.

Be both exasperating and completely adorable.

Ask the same questions over and over:

"What you doin' mommy?"  "What is it?"

"Mom, mom, mom, mom, mom...(repeat until I acknowledge)"

Be cute and concerned over your siblings: "Max is crying", "shhh, Kate is sleeping, a night-night".

Be smarty pants and make us proud by knowing your ABCs and being able to recognize both upper and lowercase letters everywhere we go. 

Provide a constant dialouge when we are in the truck; pointing out every "big truck!" "a cahr (car)" "a bus!" and hot air balloon. Say "bye-bye" to the aforementioned trucks, cars, buses and balloons. Tell me when the traffic lights change "green means go!".

Play peek-a-boo.

Get crazily dirty in all your playing endeavors.

********

I feel like much has changed since I first started writing this almost 3 months ago and yet not much has changed at all. The biggest change has been in language skills, so many words are spoken, clarity has improved and actual sentences are used. They love to count, say their ABCs, read, do anything creative.

2 1/2 year old check up Stats:

Max:

Weight: 26 pounds 6 ounces, 14th %

Height: 34.5 inches, 11th %

Kate:

Weight: 24 pounds, 4th %

Height: 34 inches, 10th %

My worst flaws as a mother are shown to me through my children in how they react to one another and back at me when I am disciplining. I am crafting little people and have much to improve on. Despite my shortcomings they are wonderful children.

They are tender and kind to one another and to Rhett. They come and get me if someone is crying and I am not in the room, they share and generally make sure the other has the same.

They have the most amazing relationship and I am so glad they came together and have each other.

Most of all I am glad they are mine.

Happy 6th Birthday Camden!

I am sitting down to write and schedule this post a few days early since we will be in the thick of moving on your special day. Instantly I become somber and my throat thickens, tears pool in my eyes and my heart aches for you.

I cannot believe that six years have passed. I am always aware of other children close to your age. You would be in first grade, soaking up the world around you, going off to learn things without me. I wish I could watch you grow. I imagine you would be a vivacious sweet boy. Full of life and energy. Proud to be the big brother, a wonderful helper to your parents and an example to your brothers and sister. I know that they would love you to pieces. And as much as my heart aches for you, I think I am more saddened that they will not know you in this life. Goodness, the tears are flowing now!

A tender mercy has been your brother Rhett. When your dad first laid eyes on him he thought Rhett looked just like you. I like that. And I like that maybe I am getting a chance to "see" you through him since our time together was so very short. I know that you are different children and I love you individually but I am grateful for this glimpse of you.

                                                                     L: Camden                                                                                                             R: Rhett

After you passed away I told your dad that I wanted to watch the footage we have of your life each year on your birthday, to keep you close in our hearts and minds, to remember those raw emotions. We haven't done that together yet, when I ask your dad he tells me it hurts too much. But we will.

I want to tell Max, Kate and Rhett about you, show them the few pictures we have of you. They will know you, I will teach them. Through you we have an intimate understanding of the Plan of Salvation. We know that we will see you again and I am forever grateful for our Savior, that through Him this is possible.

Camden's final moments with us. Out of the NICU, free from wires, needles and tubes. 

We love you. We miss you. We will see you again.

All my love, Mama

Embrace the Camera

A blog I have come across has a weekly feature called "Embrace the Camera", you can click on the link to read about the premise but basically it encourages you to take pictures of your kids with YOU in them. I haven't been good about making this a regular occurrence but want to be more deliberate in doing so. One of my challenges is that I do not have a wide angle lens to fit us all in the frame while I am holding the camera out in front of us and I don't like to use my point and shoot. When life quiets down (ha!) I want to get more creative with this series and figure out my timer and/or buy a remote shutter release. Until then I will just make do.

Here is a series from February.

2.20.12

"Cheeeese!"

It is kinda hard to juggle three kids on your lap! Oh how I love them.