I am sitting down to write and schedule this post a few days early since we will be in the thick of moving on your special day. Instantly I become somber and my throat thickens, tears pool in my eyes and my heart aches for you.
I cannot believe that six years have passed. I am always aware of other children close to your age. You would be in first grade, soaking up the world around you, going off to learn things without me. I wish I could watch you grow. I imagine you would be a vivacious sweet boy. Full of life and energy. Proud to be the big brother, a wonderful helper to your parents and an example to your brothers and sister. I know that they would love you to pieces. And as much as my heart aches for you, I think I am more saddened that they will not know you in this life. Goodness, the tears are flowing now!
A tender mercy has been your brother Rhett. When your dad first laid eyes on him he thought Rhett looked just like you. I like that. And I like that maybe I am getting a chance to "see" you through him since our time together was so very short. I know that you are different children and I love you individually but I am grateful for this glimpse of you.
L: Camden R: Rhett
After you passed away I told your dad that I wanted to watch the footage we have of your life each year on your birthday, to keep you close in our hearts and minds, to remember those raw emotions. We haven't done that together yet, when I ask your dad he tells me it hurts too much. But we will.
I want to tell Max, Kate and Rhett about you, show them the few pictures we have of you. They will know you, I will teach them. Through you we have an intimate understanding of the Plan of Salvation. We know that we will see you again and I am forever grateful for our Savior, that through Him this is possible.
Camden's final moments with us. Out of the NICU, free from wires, needles and tubes.
We love you. We miss you. We will see you again.
All my love, Mama
13 comments:
Love to you on this hard day! My exact thoughts when I first saw a pic of Rhett was that he looks like Camden.
Happy Birthday, sweet, celestial Camden. While I hate that our children are gone and that we have to bear this continuous cross, I love that we have that special angel to watch over and guide our family.
What a sweet reunion we'll one day have.
Happy Heavenly Birthday to your sweet boy. Can't wait until we can all meet him on the other side :) Love you girl.
Happy Birthday sweet, sweet Camden and lots of peace to your angel mother on your special day!
Heather, I am so grateful that you share with us your memories and feelings about your sweet little Camden. I love your family, Camden included, of course. Happy Birthday to your guardian angel!
Happy Birthday to Camden. I know this must be a difficult yet very special day for your family. I love the pictures of Camden and Rhett. They definitely do look alike. I'll be thinking about you throughout the day today.
What a beautiful post. I am so grateful to know women like you who know exactly what it feels like to have a child in another place. Thanks so much for your example & friendship. I hope you feel Camden close on his birthday.
-Anjane'
Love and hugs to you Heather. It's weird to say that I can relate to that feeling of sadness when you sit down and really think about your little one. I actually hate that I understand that. But then the blessings of the Atonement and the Plan of Salvation seem to take over. Of course it wasn't always that way. I wasn't always able to allow those blessed feelings over come the sorrow I felt but I am thankful that now they can. I am so thankful to have you as my friend and I hope you feel an overwhelming sense of love today from Camden as well as those who love you - like meeeeeee : )
Oh Heather....my heart aches for you too...those images are too beautiful as are your words...can I come pick up your twins at your house the day of your move? Can I come help you unpack? Miss you...glad you be back out here by me
Oh Heather....my heart aches for you too...those images are too beautiful as are your words...can I come pick up your twins at your house the day of your move? Can I come help you unpack? Miss you...glad you be back out here by me
I was thInking about Camden today! Happy birthday, sweet angel boy. I feel slightly snotty for mentioning this, but if he is turning 6 he would be in kindergarten. :) Unless he skipped a grade, which I wouldn't doubt with his brilliant parents. :)
Happy 6th Birthday Camden! And what a beautifully written letter to him. I was thinking about you, knowing that these days would be tough. My heart aches for you when I think of all that you have been through in the past 6 years. Im sure that Max, Kate, & Rhett will appreciate having a big brother angel to watch over them through life.
So sweet Heather, happy birthday Camden!!
Post a Comment