Today you are 21 months old! Or would have been. Your dad and I lay in bed last night wondering what you would be like. You would be running around like a busy toddler getting into everything and keeping us on our toes. You would be talking up a storm throwing in some intelligible words now and then and the rest would be the language our family would understand best. You would be in nursery! We would have dressed you so cute, like a little young man perhaps in a nice suit with some killer ties, your lovely locks all slicked and tousled. I always wonder about your eyes. Are they deep and brown like Dad's or lively green like Mom's?
After your Dad fell asleep I awoke in the middle of the night thinking more about you. I remembered when we rocked in the NICU, the nurse asked if I wanted to hold you. Of course I did. I hungered for you. She took you out of your warm temperature controlled isolette, IVs and monitors all over your fragile body, and placed you in my arms. She told me about Kangaroo Care, where we lay skin to skin. I placed you under my shirt and felt your feather weight 4 pound body resting on mine. I loved touching your skin, it was ever so soft just under your sweet chin, where you had the most chubs. Sweet Heaven. We both dozed. Then a bit later you were getting too cold, so back in the isolette for you. And I was hurting from the surgery that brought you here. Back to my room.
I miss you. We pray every night thanking our Father in Heaven for the gift of You. For Eternal Families and joyful reunions. We pray that we will be righteous enough to return and be worthy to be in your presence. This is our goal, our hope.
Love, Mom
15 comments:
We love you, too, Camden.
Your strength never ceases to amaze me. This was a beautifully written post. Those tender moments between you and Camden will be yours forever.
Wow... you are such a strong person! Reading that (and tearing up) I don't know how I could continue to be as strong as you. It is true what they say... the Lord only gives us as much as we can handle.
What a sweet post. You are a great example of strength to me -- I don't know if I could go through what you have. I've been lacking on blogs lately and it was nice to catch up on yours and then see this sweet post. Happy 30th to Phil and good luck on his testing.
Oh-Heather that is so precious. We love you and Phil, and we think you are two of the strongest people we know.
HEATHER,
Hey this is Heather Jones Kelsey!
I found your blog thru Sara Price. I didn't even recognize you at first.....You are all grown up and gorgeous! I am an RN and work about 6 nights a month so I don't have to use daycare. I read your blog on and off thru my long night of answering my patients lights. You are so Amazing. I have always known you were a very mature and special girl. I secretly wished you would marry Chad or Trevor. It is so crazy how much time has passed since St.David days. Lots of heartaches and changes in lives. I am sorry to read about you losing your sweet angel baby. I know a good Mother up there that could watch him until you return to him. We don't know how thin the veil is or how much our family on the other side can see us etc. But I know that it is very very thin and they are closer to us than we know and those teary days are special when you think of them and feel their presence. Tell your family hello and I will be brave and start a blog someday! HEATHER
I'm sure Camden can't wait to have you back! You two are amazing parents! Max is screaming his head off right now, but this is a good reminder to be grateful for even these moments!
I love reading your blog Heather. I have a picture of you at my wedding, just a month after Camden passed, where you are glowing. I love that picture. I am amazed by you and Phil. You have such a strong testimony. I love you guys.
I am trying to leave a comment through the tears. Again you amaze me at your strength. I love you girl! Camden is so LUCKY to have you for his mother!
This last week as we have had a very very sick baby and have had the fear of him going into the hospital and perhaps things not turning out well, I have thought of you, and if I could have your strength. I don't know that I could Heather, you are amazing! Thank you for the inspiration you give me!
wow! you are an amazing person! im glad i've gotten to know you more!
Happy 21 month birthday, little Camden! You have been blessed with amazing parents. I can just picture the cute little guy your mama described.
what a great day when all those questions can be answered! you are one lucky mom to have one special, perfect child waiting for you.
What a lucky kid! I know that with perfect knowledge someday, you will know why the trials! Thanks for sharing your life... your open and honest feelings are touching!
What sweet parents you and Phil are.
I am a friend of Jared's and I came across your Blog. I have to say that this post made me cry. I don't even know you but I can already tell that you are a STRONG person and I admire you. Your experience makes me realize how special and amazing the Plan of Salvation and Eternal Families are.
Your Son is lucky to have you as his Mother !
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