Happy Valentines Day!

5 months old
still keep their mother up at night with room service requests every 3 hours
learning to sit
have found their voices (especially Kate who occasionally likes to shriek!)
love their hands
starting to discover each other
practically perfect in every way



Rare photo with Mom! Taken after I hunted down Phil and demanded a picture with my babes. Need to do this more often...

4 Months and Cruising!

Oh My! Where does the time fly? My babies are growing and growing. We are excited to see each new milestone, be on the receiving end of heart melting smiles and get to interact more with the kids. But at the same time I am sad that my babies aren't so little anymore! Silly but true.

Max & Kate had their 4 month check-up middle of January and at that time their stats were:

Max:

Height- 23.75 inches long (10% but 60% adjusted age)
Weight- 11 pounds (3% but 45% adjusted age)

Kate:

Height-22.75 inches long (8% but 50% adjusted age)
Weight- 9 pounds 7 ounces (less than 3% but 25% adjusted)

Seriously, the cutest kids EVER!

Today a nurse came out to our home for their 4 month follow-up. She came when they were 2 months old (their due date) and comes to assess their development. Today was our last visit since they are where they need to be according to the test such as grabbing toys, making eye contact, cooing, smiling, etc. She also weighed them. Good grief my kids are just growing! In just 3 weeks Kate has put on 1 pound! She is now 10 pounds 6.5 ounces. And here I was worried about her not eating enough since she doesn't nurse as long and eat as much as Max. I need to stop worrying. Max also gained almost 1 pound and he is now 11 pounds 14 ounces.

Nurse Joan told us to ditch the bouncers and instead put them in regular old cardboard boxes to help them work on sitting up and developing new skills. So here are our box babies. They are learning so fast. They can grab toys, hold on to them if placed in their hands and they love to eat their hands.



I need to be better about tummy time. It is hard when Max spits up all the time and Kate just downright hates it. We got in 5 minutes today during one playtime and even that had to be broken up in 2 increments. We will slowly work up to the target 40 minutes. Max is definitely stronger and will last longer and hold his head higher than Kate.



Things to remember at this age:

Max



Oh dear child. You are so scrumptious! I love your soft full cheeks and kiss them endlessly. You are still our relaxed child and are such a good boy, only fussing usually when you need to burp/spit up or just need some snuggles.

You still spit up. All the time. All over me, yourself and whatever surface you may be next too. But we deal. And do a lot of laundry and I don't get dressed in anything nice. You can soak your clothes and your bib after one feeding.

You are busting out of some of your newborn clothes and sadly I am starting to pack them away. I put you in a 3 month outfit and it fit! Gah! Quit growing! Your big belly is also starting to bust out of your diapers and it is probably time to move up to size 2.

You talk when you want to and love to interact with your dad and I. You have a game with your dad of sticking out your tongue in response to him sticking his tongue out at you. It is quite adorable and you get so excited about it that you spit up. All that leg kicking! Here is a blurry shot of you in action. Gosh, can you get any cuter? I think not.

Sleepwise we are still hit or miss with you. Last night you went 5 hours! Woohoo! Granted I was still up with Kate so it wasn't restful for me but progress is progress. Well done. Can you do it again? And again?



Kate

Ms. Personality! Kate you are gorgeous and so dainty. I love that about you. I love your firm little apple cheeks and your big blue eyes. Every morning when I unswaddle you you stretch your little body, throwing your arms over your head and extending your legs, like a starfish, you arch your back and flash your dimples. What a good morning welcome!



You consistently melt your daddy and we all fall under your powers. Who wouldn't under this sweet gaze?

We have pacifier issues. I say we, because you clearly love it and I frankly am getting quite tired of getting up multiple times in the night to insert it for you. You have a piercing cry that escalates the longer it goes on, but once you get what you want all is well in your world. Sigh. I know it is going to be rough when we take away your beloved friend to help all of us sleep better. I have tried but don't have the heart or the energy to deny it to you at night.

Perhaps offering a compromise you found your thumb. You are not consistent and your coordination is still lacking but you have been happy when you get it just right. I am not sure how I feel about it. I'll admit there are times I have taken it our and popped your paci in so as not to encourage it (the dental hygienist in me!).



You are a ham! So fun right now. We can get talking back and forth, you cooing away and offering the biggest grins. Many times I can't make eye contact with you while nursing since you stop, flirt with your eyes and smile while on the breast thus coming off. Occasionally you won't go back on, so I try not to engage you until you are finished.



I love your rubber band wrists, your squishy inner thighs that get bigger all the time, how your hair is starting to grow in and random long strands stick up. It is starting to resemble a dandelion, so precious.

You are both so loved. I stand by your crib at night and my heart just swells and tears come so easily as the love overflows.



(Don't be fooled, we are still using the boppy to prop each of them up, it keeps them nestled and secure though Max is strong enough to turn himself onto his back if on his side and then he gets stuck with his head over the pillow. And he certainly does not like that! This was a trial nap without them and needless to say we went back to them as arms were flailing around and they were waking each other up. We will try again later.)

So Blessed

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Two beautifully simple* blessings.

*Phil asked me what I wanted him to say and I briefly contemplated telling him to throw in the usual LDS stand-bys, i.e: temple marriage, mission, etc. But then I told him to just listen to the Spirit. The result was two perfect succinct blessings promising sweet strong testimonies and healthy bodies. If one has a testimony doesn't the rest follow?

Two happy proud parents.



Lots of family to love and support us.



One exhausted yet exuberant mother. Two exhausted and cranky pants babies, who happen to look adorable. First time to 8am church as a family of FOUR.



Sweet details. Hand crocheted Amish booties and one hand crafted bracelet.



Kate's



One mean photograph insistent mother. One irate and protesting daughter. One uninterested son.



A still furious Kate and Max wondering if there really is something to be worried about.



After a necessary break to restore peace Kate tells me 5 minutes.





My easy going Max.



Two perfect blessings.

Musings on Motherhood

It is funny how once a crisis passes the memory of the event softens and fades. You don't recall how hard it really was and instead you are already focusing on the current crisis ruing the day. This has never been truer for me. Stress is my constant companion as I am navigating the rocky road of motherhood. It is ingrained in me to strive for perfection. To perform a task to the letter and by the book. This is only to my detriment I am learning.

Breastfeeding twins was my constant goal during the early weeks of Max & Kate being home. I pumped endlessly to maintain my supply and give them the best I had. I stressed over my output, hoarding away bag after bag of precious milk in the freezer while keeping a current stash in the fridge for the daily feedings. I stressed over getting Kate to latch, I worried she didn't "like" me and that she would never learn. I worried that I would have to pump forever. Then came time to regulate my supply so I could cut ties with the trusty Medela that helped me provide for my children. With that came more stress of course and frantic middle of the night emails to my friend Kathryn, fellow mother of twins (twice!) and the lactation consultant.

Well, we finally made the transition to full-time breastfeeding and I haven't used a pump unless I want to or an outing requires it (ie: recent photo shoot). It isn't painful anymore! The kids are quite proficient and the proof of our success is measured each month we visit the doctor. Crisis resolved!

Then it was on to Max and his spit up and the kids' perceived colic. So I obsessed and researched and concluded that I needed to cut out dairy. The spit-up remains but I am okay with it now. That is just our life. That and laundry. Oh the laundry!

He still seems happy but I am beginning to wonder if it is indeed reflux, there are times the boy will crawl up me writhing in discomfort, crying with his hoarse little voice. A trip to the doctor will ease my mind I hope and I am going to request that both kids be placed on an antacid. Kate is now being fussy when nursing, she pops on and off and rarely feeds longer than 10-12 minutes. She also swallows a lot as though she is trying to keep her milk or spit-up down.

Now my current obsession and seemingly life-long goal is sleep. Sleep for them and sleep for me. Oh how glorious the day will be when we all sleep a stretch longer than 2.5 hours at night! I was hoping to achieve this milestone with the help of Babywise or our family interpretation of it. We still aren't there. I wonder if we will ever get there. I have checked out every sleep book from the library and pored over each one. They all seem to have the same themes and to be honest I am not such a fan of crying it out especially when my babies are so little.

Slowly I am releasing my tight grasp on perfection. The house surely doesn't resemble perfect. My bed is the ultimate "clean drawer" as load after load of laundry is dumped on the bed day after day, each day I tell myself I will get to it. And each day I fall short and another load is added to the masses. I don't get to shower everyday, spend most of my time in my jammies, hair in a pony and with my glasses on sans make-up. And usually I am okay with this.

My sister-in-law asked me how I was doing with twins, if it was harder than I thought? I confidently told her that all in all I am doing just great. Sure its hard but I don't know any different. And then I proceeded to tell her that it isn't hard enough that I feel like I can't handle it.

I would like to retract that statement! This is HARD! Yes, I still feel like I can handle it but some days I do not handle it with grace and some days I am grumpy. Most days all I "handle" is just the kids. Forget dinner, forget the house, forget myself, and Phil has surely been on the short list lately. I hate being in a constant fog due to the lack of sleep and whatever "naps" (ha!) I get are not restorative. But again, this too shall pass. I know that what is hard now will soon be a soft fuzzy memory and something new will take its place.



I hereby am resolving to stop obsessing. I am returning all sleep books to the library and friends. I will quit over analyzing. At least I am going to give it my best effort. Phil tells me I am driving him crazy and it is getting annoying. I don't want to be annoying, I want to be a good mother and do things right.

So. I am starting over. We will keep structure and routine in our house, with twins it is necessary and honestly I function best with a routine and I believe my kids do too. But, I am going to breathe, relax and drink deep this special crazy time. I know it goes fast and I don't want to add regret to my long list of obsessions.

Evolution of a Smile

Max finally letting loose. Captured 12.24.2009
Love him.

Christmas Letter to Camden

Dear Son,

This year has been a happy one. You have a delightful new brother and sister, Max & Kate and they fill our home and hearts with joy and love. We are so grateful they are a part of our family and I can't wait to have all my kids together someday.

Your father has been accepted to medical school at Midwestern University here in AZ so we will be moving to the west Valley in the spring. We are excited, nervous and I am apprehensive to the changes and stresses that will be placed on our family; most of all returning to work, caring for your siblings, the home and our family all while your father is going to be under the immense load of school. We will do it. All will be well. Change is good.

The other night I was walking to bed and passed your wooden train that was out near the tree. The glow of the lights from the tree and this simple reminder of you had me in tears by the time I reached the end of the hall. Having your brother and sister with us now shows me what we have missed with you being gone. The endless nights full of quiet feedings, soft cheeks and dimpled smiles. We would have had a very excited little toddler waiting for Santa to come. And yet as I told all of this to your father through tears I was reminded again that this time is short and we shall have you once more. The true meaning of this time of year is never far and I am eternally grateful that our Savior has made it possible for our family to be eternal. For the opportunity to snuggle your softness and drink in your goodness.

We miss you. We love you.

Love, Mama


Camden's Ornament

Max's

Kate's

I should be sleeping...

Whenever the babes are down it would be wise if I were also resting but there is always something to do and it has been almost one month since I last posted. Tsk, tsk.

These two little people are ruling my world and most days there is little time for anything else. I wouldn't have it any other way. Words cannot express how much I love them, though I am going to try.



This boy has my heart. Look at his gorgeous eyes and luscious cheeks. Constantly the boy is barraged by my nibbles and caresses. He is sweet and for the most part pretty chill. He cries when he is uncomfortable with gas. Once the bubble has cleared he is relaxed as ever. My sweet boy spits up a lot and I don't know if it is just Max, if his little GI system is still immature, is he over eating, dairy sensitivity, on and on the list could go. He doesn't seem to be in pain though when he spits up other than the usual gas discomfort.

I was doing some research and came across some information that seemed to describe Max. He always sounds stuffy and congested though his little button nose is clear when suctioned. Persistent congestion and a lot of spit up could be indicative of dairy (or more accurately the protein in dairy) sensitivity.

It has been almost two weeks without dairy and it is hard! I shamefully admit that I haven't been 100% and had a bit of cheese with my eggs yesterday, and haven't been extreme in reading labels. I have not had any cow's milk or yogurt though instead I use soy milk and almond milk and a butter wannabe.

I am recommitting myself wholly and am now a label reader and dairy is out of the diet until further notice. But spitting up hasn't stopped the boy from gaining weight. He loves to eat! He weighed 7 pounds 5 ounces November 20th and now weighs 9 pounds 9 ounces. That is over 2 pounds in one month! Sheesh, maybe he is just over eating. He is in size 1 diapers now. Love him.



Perhaps this is not the most flattering picture of the Princess Kate but she is darling none the less. This peanut is the apple of her daddy's eye and is my sweetie. She has started smiling and will coo and talk to you. She loves her bouncer that plays music and flashes lights and gets her arms and legs a moving! She is also a good baby and doesn't cry or fuss unless she is tired or needs to burp. Kate is our fire cracker and can fight sleep like no other. If we aren't diligent about watching her sleep cues and keeping her right on schedule she will stay up for hours. Not good! The other night she was up from 4:30 till almost 11pm! This is with me nursing her, rocking her, pacifying her, etc. She will drift into sleep and then pops her beautiful eyes right open and protests.

Kate weighed 6 pounds 9 ounces in November and yesterday weighed in at 8 pounds even. Still a peanut but progressing well. She still wears her newborn clothes and diapers and a lot of her outfits are still to big on her.

We have been doing sleep training with Babywise and I have modified it to meet our needs but still want the kids to learn to sleep on their own without props or an elaborate routine. We eat, burp, play and then when they start showing yawns and tiredness I swaddle them up and with a baby in each arm we rock for a few minutes, I sing a few songs and when they are drowsy but still awake they are placed in their crib and the idea is for them to drift to sleep on their own. We have our good days and we have our bad where I question everything I know.

Nursing is going wonderfully and they eat every 3 hours and hopefully someday they will sleep through the night. I know our schedule will pay off and the kids will get there and are benefiting from a routine. We all do.

They had the second half of their 2 month shots with the second dose of RSV shot and didn't handle them as well as last month. Max was so sore and just cried in pain whenever we touched his legs or I shifted him when nursing or burping. Kate had a low grade fever. A dose of Tylenol did the trick and today they are back to their happy selves.

Life is a blur and my days are full of constant care of Max and Kate. I have certainly adjusted to a bed full of clean laundry, cluttered counter tops and baby paraphernalia slowly overtaking my house. Dinner is a goal and I hope to be more consistent. I am inside all day more often than not and my once or twice weekly excursion is the hour long trip to the grocery store or some other errand usually on the weekend when Phil is home.

Phil is a wonderful father, very attentive and interactive with the kids. He still helps me during the night if I need it. We actually are both sleeping in the kids room since I get up with them so often, it is easier to be right there and get them before they start crying a lot and wake up more.

I am going to try and document life better. Be warned that most posts are going to be about Max and Kate. They are our life now and I have nothing more to contribute other than them at this point in time.



We all hang out in our jammies most of the day. On our good days I am showered and at least get to swipe on some mascara, maybe some real clothes and do my hair! But all I am is a milk buffet at this point in time so I figure at least I am clean!