Musings

I shouldn't be posting since I have nothing of real magnitude to report, no brilliant news or witty commentary, nothing. I should hold my peace instead of polluting the web with blathering and random thoughts from yours truly. But I'm not. Lucky you.

Yesterday Phil & I held family home evening. We reviewed our budget, how well we fared from last month's expenditures and revisited our goals, our lofty goals of saving more and spending less. Then Phil gave me a blessing. I have been wanting a blessing for some time now and we kept neglecting it, not deliberately but with the absentmindedness of life propelling on and it getting lost amidst the hustle and bustle.

I was seeking comfort and reassurance in regards to our family and my lack of conceiving in what I deemed a "timely manner". My time, remember, not the Lord's. Phil delivered and I was given a lovely blessing and reminded that I need to be patient and that all things are given to us for our good, to teach us, to make us stronger. Anyone who knows me knows that I am not patient when I have a plan and know how to execute it. I expect results, especially when the plan is what I thought the Lord had in mind for us, you know, the multiply and replenish the earth one? Perhaps it still is, my blessing didn't spell it out for me, unfortunately.

I have struggled with my lack of conception. Camden came to us so quickly and with ease. He was such a blessing, we loved him right away and loved him more when we learned of his condition, and then if it was possible, we loved him even more when left us. I still love him, want him, need him. I know that I have him, just not now.

To conclude our evening we reread our patriarchal blessings, reminded ourselves of the promises that are ours if we are faithful. We have each been promised children and I cling to that knowledge. I do not know by what means we are to obtain our family but know that it will come. Perhaps I have not exhibited enough faith and this time is for me to fine tune the art of patience, the reward is sweeter when you have to work for it, wait for it. If this is the case, then I hope for a sugar induced coma.