This sweet boy has begun to hit out of frustration. He will hit Kate when she doesn't give him the toy he wants, he will hit me if he doesn't get his way, he will bat at a book or Kate if she is touching him as they share my lap during story time. It isn't even noon and Max has been in time out 3 times already for hitting! All this in the past hour and a half!
When Max hits, I take immediate action. I firmly grab his hand, make eye contact and tell him "that's a NO!, we don't hit." He is then taken to his crib for isolation. He of course cries and is very sad and contrite when I go to get him. I give him love and he cuddles into me. And then not 10 minutes later we repeat. Ah. It makes us both sad. I know that I need to be consistent and with time I hope and pray this sinks in and he understands that hitting is not okay. I hope as his communication skills evolve he will not feel the need to hit.
I lamented to Phil again last night that this is hard work. His reply? "It's only going to get harder." That it is. But I hope that by laying down a good foundation we will be able to navigate the course with few bumps in the road.
8 comments:
I recently read Parenting with Love and Logic. Although the book is more applicable to older children I found it helpful. They also have a cd to apply the same principles to toddlers. I'd highly recommend it. I do feel the same way....no pressure just mold an amazing little person. You are doing an amazing job! Just remember one day at a time. Croix has been in and out of time out for an hour before. Climb on top of the table, go to time out, repeat for an hour! Being consistent is a little exhausting.
Just continue being consistent. I remember days when it seemed the only activity we did was time out. I felt bad, and Matthew felt bad. But the hard work pays off. It gets much easier when you can reason with them. And I second Terina. Love and Logic was/is like scripture to me!
Seems like McRae was that same age when he started hitting and I, too, was at a loss. Still am....he doesn't do it as much but I have found that different methods work better than others and that is all dependent upon the individual child. They all respond differently to different methods. So...just when you think you've got something that's gonna work, you're faced again with another dilemma. It is exhausting work...but oh so worth it! I'm sure he won't be hitting by the time Kindergarten rolls around...if we can just stay sane for that long, right?
I remember helping out in nursery and there was a certain kid who kept hitting other kids. I remember thinking, "why doesn't this kid's parents teach not to hit!" Well, that was before I had Kyson (or before he was old enough to hit). I have tried so many different methods to try and get him to stop hitting (or even biting sometimes) and every method that worked for Caleb did not work for Kyson. Anyway, a month or two ago when I was picking Kyson up from nursery I asked if he had hit anyone and I was told yes. I was so frustrated and I felt like such a horrible mom. I had to eat my own words because I had been trying for months to get him to stop. I think he is doing better recently but just like you said, it's hard work!
Im in dire need of advice for parenting too. Reese is terrible at sharing and if someone trys to take something from her, she will scream and try to push them. Im not sure what to do yet but for what its worth someone did tell me not to put them in their crib because then they associate sleep time as a negative thing?? Who knows but just something I heard. I think that I will chekc into the Love & Logic stuff.
oh dear, I am entering this world too! way to be consistent though...and positive. Those two are key when teaching a child how to make good choices. You are awesome Heather!!
p.s. book club was so fun last night and your salsa bar was delicious!! thanks again!
So I'm going to leave a "speech therapist" comment. You mentioned that his communication is still developing and you feel that a lot of the hitting comes from his frustration in not being able to communicate. Try giving him a word to say in those situations such as stop, move, what ever fits the situation. I know we all want our kids to be polite, but in the beginning stages of language development, we need the need met first. Please is nice to teach, but start with focusing on a one word response that he can use. Once he has a pretty good vocab and is starting to put words together (usually about 18-24 months)then start adding more. I don't know if they are talking at all yet, but if they aren't maybe look at teaching him a few signs. I know that was our lifesaver with Trevor. It was amazing how signing "more", "drink" and "all done" changed our lives. If you do use baby signs just make sure you are pairing the sign with the verbal word.
I'm sure you're doing great, just thought I would throw in my 2 cents.
I had the same problem with Carissa at that age- I kept asking her pediatrician and all he would say is "It's just a phase". I never believed him because it seriously did not stop for a year! I thought my kid was going to be the bully. But lo and behold, once she reached the age of 3 (and going to preschool) she stopped, she realized in order to make friends- you can't hit. I know it's frustrating, but really just know it is a phase. Good luck!
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